Happy Friday! This week is going to look a little different for my weekly newsletter as I am currently in Austin, maybe getting a little content for you insert eye emojis, and thus am not home to answer the questions of our wonderful Ball-Knowers.

But fear not. While the hotline is closed for this week, someone else is taking charge. Tank Commander Tyler is in the building. And since we now know which teams will be missing the playoffs, it is time to see which teams have successfully tanked or are just plain bad, (going in order of their draft lottery position from 7-1 at the time of writing this on Thursday afternoon!).

Find this article in video form…

Tyler reacted to DeWanna Bonner signing with Atlanta…

You know what Los Angeles, you are ever so slightly starting to win me back. EVER SO SLIGHTLY.

You did a thing that many teams refused to do, even when I warned them, blow it up. It wasn’t a full blow-up so only partial credit will be received BUT trading Kelsey Plum was the right move. It wasn’t the flashiest trade return of all-time but gaining another lottery pick to add a young player, and in turn also upping your odds at #1, plus adding Monique Akoa Makani, is the exact move so many have refused to make.

You still have some very bad contracts, stares directly at Ariel Atkins, but you have at least shown that you are willing to take this direction. Those ghosts of free agency’s past just might be sitting on that cap sheet haunting you for the next couple years as you try and get this roster age down. You were bad this year, and the tank was accidental, but you are moving in the right direction, and I will always be happy to acknowledge that.

*This includes the pick odds of the Mercury pick, who while not getting a section, have certainly chosen their own idea of win-now hell that must be properly assessed after Kelsey Plum decides to re-sign or not. The potential slander waits, for now.

I think the Portland Fire have been better than even they might have anticipated in year one. Bad for the draft odds, good for setting a culture and foundation for your new franchise (ask the Valkyries!).

The good thing is the primary reason that you have this many wins is that you have your point guard of the future. Carla Leite is an absolute baller, full stop. She is incredibly tough. Again, ask the Valkyries how important it can be to have a point guard that you are ready to form your franchise’s identity around in year one and going forward.

They have tons of cap space to try and go sign free agents, or my personal route I like more, take bad contracts on and receive draft picks for doing so and prepare for the Sarah Strong draft lottery.

Oh, and draft Clara Strack if you don’t jump into the top three of this draft, don’t overcomplicate this. I’d consider this a tank, but not one of the more successful ones.

The Seattle Storm. My precious, ethically tanking, Seattle Storm. You can do no wrong in my eyes.

Dominique Malonga, Awa Fam, Flau’jae Johnson. Need I say more? This young core is so much fun and has so much time in front of them to develop together and figure out the best pieces to surround them. Natisha Hiedeman, while not without faults, ended up being a very productive point guard for this team as well.

Pray for that top three pick to fall your way, because if you get it, you’re even more set. This is a historically great franchise, that historically knows how to handle young stars, and might have the beginning of a historic era on their hands in Seattle.

The Washington Mystics are having more fun than anyone. Currently ahead of schedule having been clinched a spot in the WNBA Playoffs. Kiki Iriafen and Sonia Citron have totally avoided sophomore slumps. Shakira Austin has been on an absolute tear. Cotie McMahon has been impactful off the bench. And, oh yeah, they get Chicago’s pick that has the third highest odds of being number one. This is already as it stands the most fun young team in the league. Imagine adding Juju Watkins, Hannah Hidalgo, or Madison Booker to it. Again, nobody is having more fun than the Mystics.

AH AH AH. CHICAGO SKY WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?

The Phoenix Mercury get a tbd-pass on their slander as we wait to see if Kelsey Plum re-signs. But the Chicago Sky? We can talk about them right here, right now.

Why?

That is the question I find myself asking towards the Chicago Sky consistently. The idea to be “competitive”, as GM Jeff Pagliocca stated preseason, is a poison to progress for this franchise. Giving up resource after resource, putting metal in the team building microwave, and being surprised when it blows up in your face.

This is a pattern that has been repeated so many times that even with the breakout of Sydney Taylor and knowing that you have Rickea Jackson back next year from injury, it is hard to feel any excitement towards what is happening.

Bad contracts, bad decision making, and as of writing this all of it is there to stay in Chicago. Not tanking. Just bad.

You may know suffering from success, but do you know its distant cousin suffering INTO success? That is what the Toronto Tempo have gone through this year.

As free agency came and went, I wasn’t moved by the decision making from Toronto. I could understand bringing some better players in to try and establish yourself in Canada, and you have an accomplished coach in Sandy Brondello, but I was afraid they would land themselves right in the middle of the WNBA fighting for a playoff spot at best.

When this team was healthy, I was pretty on the mark with that assessment, Sykes and Mabrey were playing well and finding consistency, but then injuries smacked this team. And with that tanking their record. Suffering INTO success.

The Tempo have discovered that Kiki Rice absolutely rocks, that Sykes and Mabrey can play like All-Star caliber players under Brondello, and now have the chance to presumably take a player in the coveted top three.

Not a tanking team, not a bad team, just a meh team with poor injury luck that might have given them a franchise player.

I went to the Tanking department store and they had the Connecticut Sun on the wall as employee of the month like the Krusty Krab had Spongebob.

Look the Connecticut Sun, soon to be Houston Comets, don’t deserve Juju Watkins after the way they were relocated. It makes me sick. However comma game recognizes game with the tank job. This was an all-timer.

You know one thing, Leila Lecan is part of the plans going forward. Outside of her on this roster, there are a decent amount of players that could stay or go in terms of being part of the long-term rebuild. Hell by the time this Comets team takes the court for the first time who knows who will be on the roster, the staff, the front office, security, catering crew, the people who hold up the towels to block the cameras during timeouts, quite literally everything could change under this new ownership.

But I will say this, I can think of a couple USC Trojans that played for the Houston Comets back in the day, and I would say things worked out pretty well for them. Comets fans will hope the odds are in their favor as the Sun fans say goodbye.

Since we now know who will be participating in the WNBA Playoffs, we now will be on watch to see the form each team enters into the World Cup break in. No playoff team is facing more recent bad news than the Aces, who announced that NaLyssa Smith would miss the rest of the season. We are now officially on A’ja Wilson burn-out watch as she is continuously asked to do more for this Aces team. I don’t think we will see signs as quick as this game, but being on the watch for it is worthwhile.

Coach star Paige Bueckers? Resurrect the Dallas Wings? It’s all ‘just basketball’ to Jose Fernandez by Brian Hamilton, The Athletic

How WNBA players are balancing investments and splurges with new salaries by Kareem Copeland, ESPN