Welcome everyone to the new WNBA. This post-CBA negotiation world might feel a little apocalyptic depending on who your team is. We’ve got some new comers into the WNBA world by way of expansion teams and what better way to help them get acclimated than through hate? So without further ado, I give you the 2026 Hater’s Guide to the New WNBA.

We start with the champs because they’re the best and truthfully no one else matters until you pry the title from our dead, clammy hands. For this reason alone many will hate and that’s what comes with the territory, or at least that’s what’s keeping A’ja Wilson motivated. But let’s narrow down our list.

Main Opp: I need it to be New York again. The world is such a better place when A’ja and Breanna Stewart are at each other’s throats on the court and the fans are mad behind that. This kumbaya Stew’ja nonsense I’ve seen on the bird app shipping them as besties made my stomach churn. Bring back 2023 when I was fighting for my life to discredit’s Stewie’s weak @$$ 40 point games against the Fever and the got dern Dallas Wings en route to her MVP acquisition. Bring me intense Commissioner’s Cup battles followed by even more intense playoff showdowns. Bring me Sabrina Ionescu pissing down her leg while everything is happening. I need to feel alive again and that will only happen by reviving my biggest and most personal rivalry. One of our YouTube commenters cleverly said my name is chauNY because deep down I love the Libs and they kinda are my favorite disaster. The trainwreck I can’t look away from. The wormed apple of my eye. I technically run the city so chauNY may get airbrushed on something once we put them in the dirt again.

Sub Opp: The Indiana Fever. Now you’re gonna see this name a lot on this list, but don’t freak out. The Hospital Fever went toe to toe with the eventual champs in the semifinals and want it back in blood. Whether anyone likes it or not, Aliyah Boston is coming and both me and Dawn Staley see it. Last year when I wrote a feature on Allisha Gray’s MVP campaign, Staley snuck AB’s name in there as someone we could see contending for that honor sooner rather than later. Aliyah has been a thorn in A’ja’s side since she touched down in the league and had the reigning MVP puttin a nasty hit out on her to the refs in the post-game press conference midway through the series. Aliyah said her strategy was basically to get on A’ja’s nerves and Gen Z got a rare ragebait W. Plus, Caitlin Clark’s back and we get to see the further development of ABC².

No matter what, Cocks always up, I always win and good hoops will be played.

The Dream pulled off the biggest acquisition of the off-season, rescuing Angel Reese from Chicago. The spotlight is brighter than ever thanks to Peachtree Barbie and all eyes will be watching to see how they handle it.

Main Opp: The Indiana Fever. Long time no mention, right? So, when we last left our besties, they were battling in the first round. Indy sent the Dream packing in the most Atlanta sports way possible, with a turnover to end the season. The Fever were last seen leaving the court to a chorus of boos while throwing up the W’s in response. This was just the last viral moment of the season between these two. They went at it all regular season as well. Adding Angel Reese in the mix is like adding a couple more buckets of gasoline to the fire and it should be some good, competitive hoops between the two squads.

Sub Opps: The Chicago Sky have been making moves in the wake of the trade and it left Reese’s Pieces side-eyeing the front office for their lack of immediacy while Angel was a member of the team. Downfall has been prayed upon and the beef was already been sampled during the preseason. Key members of the Sky’s hated rotation were missing, so the full meal to come during the regular season should be appetizing.

Another growing rivalry that literally popped up outta nowhere is the Dream vs. their own fanbase. Specifically Rhyne Howard. I’ll just leave that there as a little Easter egg for the chronically online.

The Chicago Sky are in a post-star forward era, but luckily they’ve had plenty of practice with this very situation! DJ Slooty Sloot’s been on the mic and has been curating the most negative of vibes heading into the season and as a result, the Midwest hatewatch is on the docket for many.

Main Opps: Indiana Fever. Jacy Sheldon is in the Chi and that means it’s time for another Tom and Jerry style battle between her and Caitlin Clark. Clark also had Skylar Diggins a little hot under the collar during a matchup against Seattle her rookie year. This is the perfect…storm, no pun intended, to keep this rivalry going. If the Sky win after losing each time to Indy the last few years then there will be dialogue.

Sub Opps: Atlanta. They’re hate watching and might be hate playing when the ball goes up during their regular season matchups. Also, any number of teams Skylar Diggins has had beef with over the years and it’s quite a handful and for good reason. Look for a particularly spirited effort against the Phoenix Mercury who, in my humble hatin opinion, did her the dirtiest.

They’re young, they’re fun, they’re the Sun! Brittney Griner is the adult on duty and she’s the cool, chill pops, so the kids are going to run the show.

Main Opp: Antitrust laws. The Sun’s swan song in Conn is goin on thanks to some shady business dealings at the top. Andrew has discussed it in great detail and you should go read up on it and get ready for the Houston rodeo!

Sub Opp: Octogenarians that hate fun. Seriously, Rachid Meziane has his stars Saniya Rivers and Aneesah Morrow ready to go to war for him, Saniya is a great interview, the Tik Toks have been Tik Toking...I really don’t see how you can hate unless you want them to get off your lawn as you yell at a cloud. In which case, I understand.

The UConn Industrial Complex connected its pipeline directly to Dallas and since everything’s bigger in Texas, so are the expectations and so is the ensuing slander if said expectations aren’t met.

Main Opp: The Indiana Fever. The White Girl War is alive and well! Everyone is now fully engaged in which white girl #1 pick is better and so the battles will rage on. Last season Caitlin Clark was puttin belt to DallASS and even got a solid defensive mixtape out of their last meeting. We’ve already had a preseason matchup that was some people’s Superbowl and to be honest, yuck. That just proves Caitlin really that girl if you’re taking victory laps over preseason victories. But anyway, there’s no excuse this season because Caitlin even took Myisha Hines-Allen off Paige’s hands!

Sub Opp: Arike. I know Greer expects a breakout year, but I’m still skeptical. On the one hand, Arike’s experienced a substantial amount of instability during her pro career. On the other, efficiency and defensive buy in is still a question mark for me and that’s what I’m looking to see. If she slides into the vet role while also letting Paige be the alpha, if that’s even the plan.

To be honest, I relate to Golden State GM Ohemaa Nyanin on a spiritual level because I too am exhausted and do not feel like doing my job. Nevertheless, we persist.

Main Opp: Everyone. Nobody really understands what the Valks are doing besides soft tanking. You draft Fla’jaue Johnson, trade her for Marta Suarez, who was still available when you drafted Johnson, and then waive Marta Suarez. And then your GM decides to play possum and skip some media availabilities and then once there’s public outcry, decides to go? I don’t know what they’ve got goin on, but they seem comfortable in their own chaos, so good for them.

Sub Opps: Los Angeles Sparks. Both teams should be middling, which should make the battle for California exciting??? Also, Seattle, depending on how personal Big 4 took that trade. I for one would LOVE a revenge game.

It’s FeverCock Basketball baby, get excited! ABC² is back in business and lookin spry, we’ve got two Gamecock guards on the roster ready for whatever. This is quite literally how I win.

Main Opps: Everyone for various reasons. Seriously, pick a fanbase and I guarantee at least 40% minimum is hate watching for any reason. Haitlins, Gamecock haters (aka LSlosers), Sophie Cunningham haters, Gamecock fans who want their favs elsewhere, you can throw a hat into a crowd and it’ll land on someone who hates this team for some reason. The target is bigger than Cathy Blazerbert’s shoulder pads, and the pressure to win now is on.

Sub Opps: Atlanta, Chicago, Vegas and possibly Toronto depending on what type of time Marina Mabrey is still on.

Two Gamecocks on the roster is my biggest assessment of this year’s team. Lynne Roberts, good luck and God bless because I also don’t know what it is you’re cooking over there, but the smell coming from the kitchen is concerning.

Main Opp: Grace. I don’t mean to alarm anybody in LA, but people wanna see the number 2 pick in the 2024 draft make something shake without fouling out. They also don’t want to hear any excuses given how other draft picks have been scrutinized during said number 2 pick’s absence. You didn’t hear that from me though.

Sub Opp: Taxes. I’m not gonna act like I’m some CPA, but everyone’s been getting on Kelsey Plum’s explanation of signing a $999,999 contract instead of an even million quite literally since it was announced. The first stinker she puts up, that last dollar will be mentioned, methinks.

Boy life came at the Lynx at warp speed. They went from getting cheated in the finals just two years ago, to on top of the world via StudBudz PR the next year, to watching their MVP candidate get taken out during the following playoffs, to what feels a little like rock bottom this year.

Main Opps: The Phoenix Mercury and New York Liberty. I don’t think they’re going to beat them this year, but they should at least pinch them the same way Lauren Betts did Kyla Oldacre.

Sub Opp: Public perception. It’s not looking good for the Lynx as Napheesa Collier got on NPR and said officiating should cater to offensive players. I don’t agree with how any of what she said was worded, but I do think something’s gotta give cuz the rugby ball we saw the last few years just wasn’t it for me. Anyway, the comments are being attributed to Phee being a sore loser and I’m gonna blame Geno for all of this and demand he takes more action to rectify this situation that he absolutely caused.

Olivia Miles is playing in a rather braggadocious fashion, which I love seeing, but it might lead to a villain role depending on who she tries to style on. Which, again, is fine by me.  

Look at these bums back again to piss me off. I’m locked and ready though.

Main Opp: C’mon now. Do you even need to ask? I feel like I went soft on them last year. Not enough slander hit their door step for getting bounced 12 mins into the playoffs after the Emma Meeseman acquisition had them positioned to win it all. I was apart of the hype train after Big Meese was added to the roster and Sabrina took a Finals MVP to hell instead of back to the finals. Pitiful.

Sub Opp: The Chicago Sky. So the Sky should actually be a main opp, but I’m greedy and wanted the top hater spot for them to myself. Apparently the Liberty are all in on Sabrina being PG1. They ran Sloot out in favor of her, Natasha Cloud was doing Romanian folk dances trying to secure a long-term spot in the backcourt as Slack Mamba’s running mate and she got blackballed for 20 minutes. Me and Andrew have had several arguments about what position Sabrina actually is and this year we’ll get to revisit and re-argue.

That Alyssa Thomas practice clip of her shooting jumpers implies there’s hate for admin, because why would you subject us to that?

Main Opp: Las Vegas Aces. Alyssa Thomas ran into the A’ja Wilson wall in Connecticut and crossed multiple time zones to once again run into the Wilson wall, this time at an even higher speed. Is this a legacy defining season for Alyssa Thomas? Find out next time, on Dragonball Z.  

Welcome to the chat new team! So happy you’re here, let’s hate.

Main Opp: Seattle Storm. According to the homie Sean Highkin, the Fire come with hate built in, which I LOVE. There’s not a super imbalance in talent, so the games should be fun and competitive.

Sub Opp: Wins. New team, there’s going to be some growing pains, so get ready for em.

The Unction ended early af! Seattle cleared out the elderly with a quickness and quickly became one of the younger teams in the league so here’s to the youth movement!

Main Opp: Portland Fire. I hope the Storm truly embraces the banter Portland sends their way and sends some back instead of saying “what’d they say f--- me for?” Like I want Big 4 Fire Diss Track on my desk by All-Star break.

Sub Opp: The Valkyries, because what TF was that trade, fam?

The good news is Drake’s steady stream of Ls didn’t tank the Tempo’s image just by association before they could get started. They have the opportunity to bring good vibes and real abs back to The Six.

Main Opp: Whoever Marina Mabrey chooses. Although, the act might be wearing thin with the call for tighter officiating getting louder around the league.

Sub Opp: Customs. Somebody’s forgetting their passport this season, it’s just a matter of who.

Another young and turnt squad, wire hangers beware, word to Alexis Morris!

Main Opp: Connecticut Sun. It might be a battle of who can be the youngest, most turnt young turnt squad before that “eliminated from playoff contention” graphics hit.

Sub Opps: Atlanta, Indiana, Los Angeles. So Kiki Iriafen is one of the emerging young bigs in the league and has been giving some other young bigs, and Dearica Hamby, the business. Lauren Betts will be fighting for her life this season too and I expect her to hold her own, so this should be fun.

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