A note from Haub: We have heard your requests and wonders about our Hater-in-Chief. And now, as the WNBA Playoffs gets into full swing, Chauny is back and ready to give you the doses of ethical haterdom you have so desperately missed.

It’s been a long time and I shouldn’t have left you without a dope piece to hate to. I’m back at the most crucial time of the year for a very important huddle on the top floor of the Hater Building. The WNBA playoffs are here, and this is when the hate and slander ramp up tenfold, so all hands on deck and everyone get ready.

It’s championship or bust for the Lynx and a lot of people hope they bust. It’s pretty incredible how many different fanbases the Lynx have pissed off this year, and they now find themselves in rarified air with the Indiana Fever where every game is a hate watch for many. Olivia Miles ran away with the Rookie of the Year award months ago while pissing off Dallas fans and had her name brought up in MVP discussions, pissing off Las Vegas fans and then lost to the Fever the second to last game, pissing off everyone and then got a viral moment laughing while Caitlin Clark was blown about her performance in the final game, pissing off her fans. I think that covers it, right? This bar is set incredibly high for The Spectacle and she starts with an insane test in the New York Liberty.

About the Liberty…the fact that they’re even in this position is embarrassing. They were off to a solid start the first month and some change of the season and then fell off a cliff (cough cough notably after Sabrina Ionescu returned cough cough). Breanna Stewart’s getting called washed, Jonquel Jones still has a tendency to play like she’s dead inside and not like the person that has a literal MVP to her name and Sabrina is still mid. I saw a tweet that said Sabrina’s downfall needs to be studied and honestly the only material needed is my screenshots and prayers because this is my Super Bowl. I told y’all she was not her!

But I digress, this is a rematch of the 2024 finals and I expect all the same fireworks even though this is only round one. Napheesa Collier has become somewhat of an afterthought this year, but she’s gotta do her big one or else she’ll have to #PayThePhee to get the internet shut down, because it’s going to be a loooong summer if she goes out sad.  Somebody’s going home and disappointing Geno Auriemma in the process and the slander either way is going to be of epic proportions.

Oddly enough, another UConncentric matchup. Gabby Williams’ Valks and their stifling defense will take on Paige Bueckers and the Dallas Wings for Luigi’s heart. Just kidding, Gabby’s lost that already.

Anyway, Gabby has been the topic of conversation with this DPOY race heating up and that’s rubbed some fan bases the wrong way. The sort of grit and grind style Golden State has made their calling card has also rubbed people the wrong way. This means the spotlight will be brighter than ever and the new kids on the block are officially on pack watch. I applaud them for getting here in record time.

As for the Wings, they started the season off pretty hot and have since stumbled into the playoffs. Temu Luigi was funny at the beginning of all of this with his cantankerous old man bit, but now he’s running into a real demon in Natalie Nakase who has already been quoted in an interview spouting his most recent game strategies. I’m excited to watch this chess match and put Jose Fernandez in a pack if possible. There’s also Paige Bueckers. White girl war rages on so if she gets bounced round one, expect Sabrina comparisons to follow (from me).

Ooo wee boy, we’re getting real hate.

The Aces are the defending champs, so an upset in round one would be devastating. If Aliyah Boston upends A’ja Wilson, there will be dialogue. If Caitlin Clark helps the Fever get past this Aces this year after coming up short in her absence last year, dialogue. If Freddy Fever pops out without his son again, DIALOGUE.

On the flip side, if the Fever get bounced in the first round with Caitlin, it’s gonna get wicked on every medium imaginable. The slander will ring out world wide and the image of Nola Henry laughing at Aliyah will run on infinite loop on screens everywhere. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth and I can see some jumping of ship if 22 East puts up a postseason stinker.

Not from me though; y’all be easy.

Also, I’m pissed off at Jewell Loyd in advance. Like let’s just get that out there.

This is an interesting matchup because I don’t think a 4 seed has had as much pressure as the Dream have coming into this one. Rhyne Howard is like the only No.1 pick with at least four years under their belt to have never made it out of the first round, a stat/fact that I just pulled out of my butt, but am still committed to. She’s gotta get it done for legacy purposes. Angel Reese is under slightly less pressure as a first-round upset was literally the team’s fate the season before she arrived. Still, nobody wants to hear that. Barbie’s supposed to get them over the hump, so she’s gotta get them over the hump. I don’t make the rules, I just gather them off the internet.

The Mystics frontcourt is in the crosshairs of the Reese’s Pieces. Kiki Iriafen has been chided for  checks notes playing hard against Angel. I mean, I guess. Shakira Austin has actually been talking greasy and chirping on the court so that matchup intrigues me and has so much slander potential if Kira gets bodied again like she did in Unrivaled. Other than that, the Mystics are too young and fun to hate. Sorry.

No matter what happens, the NCS gang will be live all throughout the playoffs, so make sure you’re subscribed to the YouTube channel so you don’t miss a thing.